When I woke up this morning I realized a year ago today,
Charles was to meet my son for the first time.
Certainly a sad thing, but I had prepared myself for today…I was ready
for it. Then I walked to the bathroom to
finds one very long black hair on my chin.
The combination of the two send me into a downward spiral. It is strange how little things can affect
one’s view of a day like today; the year has been rough for me, no doubt. After I composed myself I began to reflect on
what Thanksgiving means, besides turkey and a Dallas Cowboy game (both
excellent things, for sure). While I am contemplative
all year long, many close people would say I over think, today is a day to
write it down assuring those that mean so much to me hear me loud and clear.
My first though is to be silly, to brush off the serious
nature of my feelings. Things like I am
thankful for: apples, sunsets and Starbuck’s Salted Carmel Mocha Coffee (skinny,
of course), comes to mind. I do this with
any deep feelings; they are often so uncomfortable. As is the rage with the high schoolers on Facebook
now I will begin with…”Truth be told.”
Okay, I am influenced by 15 year olds, hum, another thing to over think.
Truth be told, I am thankful for my health and ability to
get up every day to a job I love. I have
started the healing process in earnest, albeit, one step at a time. I am
thankful for the animals in my life, they require I move forward in life,
breakfast and dinner must always be on time...these are their rules.
Truth be told, I am surrounded every day with people that
are supportive and loving. I walked into
a very established work place and immediately felt welcome and at home. Thank you to all my DSMS family, I feel
happy getting out of bed every single day and going to work. This change was meant to be.
Truth be told, the old saying “make new friends but keep the
old; one is silver the other is gold” is sage advice. To the people in my
established group of friends (the term old friend makes you sound elderly and
rather decrepit), thank you for being in my life and not allowing me to run
away from it. You did not allow me to hibernate
and push you away in my attempt to isolate myself and establish my own little
ongoing pity party. You saved my life, many times almost literally. I love you all.
Truth be told, reconnecting with very, very established friend (again…not old), has done me a world of good in my quest for a “back to normal” life. I was very frightened that I would fall back into the hierarchy that is high school. Well, duh, they also grew up and embraced me with open arms and love. I also met new friends which turned out to be just as lovely…again, I am thankful for this reconnection. Class of 1976 ROCKS!
Truth be told, my family; my son, my sister, my brother in
law and my nieces are such a blessing.
This small family is one that brings joy into my life. They are there when I need them, they don’t
let me have time to fall down, and they call me on my over thinking, and over
dramatic emotions. My son, Linds, and my
sister, Danna – Doodles; the former I raised, and the latter I had a hand in
raising, thank you for taking over the parent role at times. I get tired of being the adult all the time,
thank you for the respite. I love you so much and I am so thankful for you.
Truth be told, Charles I miss you every day. I use to think I wished I had never met you,
but it was just a fleeting moment of grief at your loss and the immense pain
that came with it. You told me you were
thankful for me and my place in your heart. You told me I was a special person,
and you convinced me that I had so much to offer the world. I felt beautiful
and smart and talented in your presence. I hope I did the same for you. I am so
utterly grateful for you in my life, no matter how short it was. You still influence me daily and I still mourn
the loss of our future…but I am able to go on…enough sappiness, you would be
mortified at this…get over it. LOL
Truth be told, I am still REALLY thankful for Starbuck’s
Salted Carmel Mocha coffee.
Happy Thanksgiving,
DeAnne
